How many people do you follow on Twitter?

a) What’s Twitter?

b) None

c) I don’t know, about 20

d) More than about 20

If you answered a, you won’t be interested in this post. Stop reading and go do something useful with your afternoon. If you answered b, well done. I wish I was more like you, but I’m a social media marketing strategist and I’d look dangerously ignorant (or arrogant) if I wasn’t using Twitter. If you answered c, you’re like me, that ain’t so bad, but you still need to get a life. If you answered d, you were either teased a lot in high school and are trying to compensate somehow, or you’re a politician. Either way, you’re being silly.

As a communication tool, Twitter is next to useless, as my friend Kate points out quite succinctly. No one really gives a flying fuck about what you are doing every second of the day, not even your mum. Tell your mum what Twitter is, explain the stupid shit you talk about and then enquire politely if she’d be interested in following you. She won’t. She’ll tell you you’re stupid. Go home from work this afternoon and tell your girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife/partner/dog/teddy bear/flatmate/secret friend/pet rock as much about your day as you told the 200 random nobodys who follow you on Twitter and they’ll be reaching for the TV remote before you can say “mmm, morning coffee, how good is caffeine” or “yay, friday… finishing up report for accounts dept. then I’m outta here, woo-hoo”.

Twitter is a stupid, useless, annoying fad and I wish it would die, BUT. As a zeitgeist of brand sentiment - as a snapshot of the dialogue taking place around your brand, Twitter Search is the greatest thing since Google Trends. It is a direct line into the mundane, mind-numbing every-day subconscious of your customers. Corporations and Politicians should forget about trying to use it to communicate - you can’t build lasting, meaningful relationships with Twitter, but you can use it to tap into the bubbling brook that feeds the underground water table of social conversation (at least at the tech-savvy, early-adopter end of town).

If only it was this good…

Twitter is a free social networking and micro-blogging service that allows users to send and read short text updates (otherwise known as tweets) about what they’re thinking or doing. Its been around for a while (a couple of years is a long while in Internetland) and all the ‘cool’ companies are doing it.

Is it a fad? Is it going to last? Will we look back in a few years time and laugh about how in 2008 everyone just HAD to have a company Twitter and realise in hindsight how pointless it all was? I’m guessing yes (at least partly), but smarter people than me can help you make a more enlightened decision; read Jeremiah Owyang’s rundown on Twitter if you’re after a succinct overview.

There’s no doubt that engaging with your customers is the best way to build profitable relationships, but if you’re after a help centre, check out Get Satisfaction instead, because Twitter really isn’t designed as a company-wide customer service tool.

On the other hand, if you have intelligent, web-savvy employees, putting their Twitter feeds on the company website is a great idea, it gives customers and clients a unique insight into the day-to-day lives of the people who help them. I think more CEOs should do it and I’m fascinated by Barack Obama’s Twitter feed, although he uses it more as an events alert system than an insight into his thought process.

There’s no right or wrong answer to the question of company twittering, but like anything, if you do it half-arsed, or don’t do it right, you’ll look stupid. If you reckon it’s worth a shot, have a go, but keep in mind the whole world will be watching. Know what you want to achieve first and check out plenty of other company Tweets to see who is doing it well and who isn’t.